From 1934 to 1963, Alcatraz was a maximum high-security Federal prison on Alcatraz Island. One of the world’s most notorious and best known prisons over the years, Alcatraz housed some of America’s most ruthless criminals. Each incoming prisoner was given a copy of the Alcatraz rules and regulations. Rule number five outlined their rights: “You are entitled to food, clothing, shelter, and medical attention. Anything else you get is a privilege.”
From 1934 to 1963, Alcatraz was a maximum-security Federal prison on Alcatraz Island housing some of America’s most dangerous criminals. Each incoming prisoner received a copy of the Alcatraz rules and regulations. Rule 5 outlined their rights:
“You are entitled to food, clothing, shelter, and medical attention. Anything else you get is a privilege.”
That rule makes complete sense in a prison.
It makes no sense in a family. Most parents would never say those words out loud to their children. But too many — especially fathers — live by them in practice. They provide food, clothing, shelter, and medical attention. But they don’t give their children what they need most: TIME. That becomes the privilege nobody quite gets around to giving.
Dr. Armand Nicholi of Harvard Medical School spent years researching the impact of absent parents on the emotional development of children and young adults. He described the modern mindset toward children this way:
“Our society, especially our institutions — schools, colleges, corporations, medical schools and hospitals — all seem to view the family as a necessary evil. The implication is that you spend a certain amount of time with your family because it’s necessary to do so, but then you get back to the work that is really important.” – Dr. Armand Nicholi
We live in a world where fatherlessness has become one of the defining struggles of our time. The research is consistent: adults who grew up without a present, engaged father face measurably greater challenges — in relationships, in decision-making, in building stable lives. The absence of a father isn’t just a family matter. It shapes who people become.
Yes, we juggle a lot of responsibilities. All of us fight the battle of spending adequate time with our families. It just doesn’t seem that there is enough time to get everything done. You’ve heard this saying – there will always be more work to be done. If we wanted to work 24 hours a day, there would always be enough work, and it would never end.
Work is important — one of the significant areas of life. But it is not THE most important.
The legacy question most leaders avoid
If you want to leave a legacy, your children — the next generation — are your most important work. Who they become depends on us as parents. If we truly love and care about them and their future, we will parent them with purpose.
That requires not only quality time but quantity time with them. You have heard that children spell love as T-I-M-E. This is true. And it cannot be made up later. But how can we do it if we work all the time?
Are you treating your family according to Rule 5 of the Alcatraz regulations — giving them everything they need, while keeping time as the privilege you never quite get to?
What to do about it
Your highest priorities in life deserve to be scheduled first — before the week fills itself. If you do not plan your time, someone or something else will do it for you.
Schedule time with your children this week TODAY and spend time with them. Not after the important work is done, but before it. Enjoy your kids for who they are, play with them, take a walk with them, just have fun.
And then each week schedule a few hours one-on-one with each of them.
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